What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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