so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
