I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
