did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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