My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We smell like vodka and hangover
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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