he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
