careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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