it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
