i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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