I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize