Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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