Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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