I'm so fucking centered right now
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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