Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
