I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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