I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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