also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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