We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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