I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
