Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
