oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
