Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
