i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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