"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
