She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
