I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how do flat chested girls get laid?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
