Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
