if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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