I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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