Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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