I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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