My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
