even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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