The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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