This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
