Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
