Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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