You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
