i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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