Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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