I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
