Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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