i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
