smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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