Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
