god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
