You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
