I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
