butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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