do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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