He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
