I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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