I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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