she was so not down for the gang bang
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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