I'm gonna have a badass scar
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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