Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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