It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize