I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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