I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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