Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
