No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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